Pauline Phillips, the creator of the “DEAR ABBY” advice column passed away on Wednesday, after a battle with Alzeimer’s disease.  She was 94.  Her twin sister, Esther wrote the ANN LANDERS column for years as well.  She died in 2002 at the age of 83.

I never felt inclined or compelled to write Dear Abby.  I never had a problem  or concern that I felt “Abby” could  fix or enlighten me with her advice or guidance, but I have an appreciation for those she has assisted through the years.  In 1987, Abby’s daughter Jeanne started writing the column with her and in 2002, Jeanne took over the column completely.

So is this my window of opportunity?  Is it time for DEAR DINO?  I think I’ve amassed enough life experience that I could offer insight and guidance to the troubled, concerned and lovelorn.

For example:  DEAR DINO, I’ve recently been accused of perpetuating a hoax where I claimed that my girlfriend died.  Now I’m being accused of never having a girlfriend and that I used the story to gain sympathy and attention.  What should I do?  Signed Notre Damned.  Dear Damned, Notre Dame is a Catholic University, right?  Pray.

Yeah, I could totally do this job.